Shopping Cart Jockeys

The shopping carts jockey for position at the light, all eager to get a jump on it when the light goes green. One bears “The Donald” likeness on its basket, in orange and white.  Another is painted black with a skull and crossbones in white bolted to its basket.

I cover my ears as the light goes green and the carts scream away, jet engines pulsing. The age of oil is coming to a close and fast light carts which use little fuel are the rage. Once considered a novelty, and invented by a gear head in the UK in 2016.  They’re now the preferred transport in the 22^nd century.

In the 22^nd century, everyone shops online now for groceries and other stuff. So we had all these shopping carts lying about, rows upon rows of them. And very little oil to run cars, even small cars.

But shopping carts are even smaller, and that basket holds lots of your stuff including your kids.  And they’re fast with a jet engine strapped underneath.

NASCAR is gone but SHOPCARX is going strong. The well-known basket sponsors are among the largest retailers in the world, like Amazon, Victoria’s Secret and Wal-Mart. Fans screams for their favorites as the brightly decorated carts rattle around the track.

Pit stops are only allowed for engine trouble, broken wheels, and major dents.  The last cart with the fewest dents still running at the end of the day is the winner.  Shopping cart jockeys such as Quick Shop Sara and Tiny Wheels Tara are idolized like YouTube stars.

With only motorcycles, scooters and shopping carts on the road, and mandatory helmets most accidents are minor basket benders.  Citations most often issued are for speeding as that jet engine just goes to driver’s heads.  Those are followed by citations for gaudy unstable decoration, over stuffing the basket and CUI (carting under the influence).

The incidents of stuff flying out onto the road increase exponentially.  Fines are stiff for littering but still the sides of the road remain clogged with underwear, lingerie and sparkly stuff. Just last week, I took a thong to the helmet.

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