It’s gone too far. The latest trend in nail art is Swiss cheese nails. No, I’m not talking real Swiss cheese, that smelly stuff.

The latest fad is drilling holes in the nail job which cost you a week’s worth of lattes.  You can go cheap and just blot a little polish remover to simulate holes, to be honest. But if you desire your nails to sport the latest fashion, real holes it must be.

This obsession with sparkling toes and long faux painted nails is madness to me. I feel ashamed when I’m out and about in my unpainted toe nails and bare fingernails. I’m not sure how long I can fight the urge to slap polish on my toes.

I’m way out of whack with human history on this.  The ancient Egyptians and Chinese painted their nails.  The Chinese invented nail polish. By the way guys, you’re out of whack with human history too. The Egyptian and Chinese men also painted their nails.  In Egypt, black represented the power color.

It’s amazing how fashion changes over the centuries.  A man with black nails owned the power 3000 years ago.  Today, he’s just Goth.  Guys in Babylonia went all out before a battle with curls and nail color.  One had to look their best before being slaughtered. Nail painting for both men and women continued into the 1800’s. Then cowboys and John Wayne arrived.  Men and painted nails parted ways.  But not always curls, General Custer sported curls and manly swagger.

Nail art turned into serious art in the 21st century. The designs are intricate and beautiful. For me, that’s a lot of trouble to go to for art which breaks and grows out so quickly. Just call me extremely rational.

I grew up on a ranch, shoveling horse shit and riding horses. Gloves adorned my hands most of the day and broken nails happened, a lot. Now, I garden and gloves adorn my hands while out.  I spend most days glued to my laptop’s keyboard and my typing is crap with short nails.  Forget typing with long nails, never work for me.

Toenails are another story.  I’m too rational for toenail art.  But some polish will make them less homely and me a bit more fashionable.

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About kriskkaria

Actress, comedian, voice actor and singer, I voice a weekly podcast called Does This Happen to You. Funny compendium of your day's journey.

2 responses »

  1. ksbeth says:

    i’m happy to just have the paint, dirt, sand and marker out from under my nails after a day in kindergarten. i always look like a hard core mechanic at the end of the day

  2. kriskkaria says:

    Doesn’t sound like long acrylic nails would work for you either.

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