86 year old grandma in UK defeats robber with bacon. The criminal seriously underestimated grandma, attempting to rob her in the grocery store of the ATM money she recently withdrew. Luckily, grandma threw a package of bacon into her cart just seconds before. Thinking quickly, she grabbed the package of bacon, and with precise aim, banged the robber over the head with it repeatedly. The robber retreated. Police ask the public to be on the lookout for an extra greasy women smelling of bacon, likely being followed by a pack of dogs. Bacon sales are up, especially the extra thick cut, as the newest use for bacon spreads in popularity.
The smell of chicken repels mosquitoes, according to latest research. The studies are only preliminary, so it will be years before this conversation takes place between humans. “Do I smell chicken? No, that’s just my mosquito repellent.” Or before this conversation takes place between mosquitoes. “Did you get a whiff of that stuff? Yeah, made me want to gag, I couldn’t fly away fast enough.”
Company in Japan introduces armpit fan to keep cool in summer. You just clip on to your shirt or pants and get a wind in all the right places. Unfortunately, these devices garner complaints from co-workers nearby. They complain of drafts and smells in all the wrong places.
The stupid criminal of the week goes to the author who believed his own writing. He attempted to rob a bank just like the character in his book, in mask with a starter pistol. He found out the hard way how fictional his story was. He was quickly arrested. Sitting in jail gives him plenty of time to edit his book, fixing those exceptionally fictional parts.
A man clad only in shorts and armed with a few beers climbed a broadcast tower in Missouri. He savored the view and the beers for a few hours. He tossed down the beers and asked the police to recycle the cans. When finally coaxed down by police, he claimed he just wanted a find a cool breeze and a nice view. He ended up with an air conditioned ride downtown and a view of Herbert, the guard.
Riding a moped at high speed with potatoes and laundry down Dudley Rd. earns driver a ticket and costs him his moped. Apparently, it’s very dangerous for potatoes and laundry to exceed 30 mph, which is the top speed of most mopeds.