Fart Penalty

Farting will get you thrown out of the game of football in Sweden.  A player experienced a little stomach discomfort at pitching time and farted loudly.  The referee took umbrage at the loud explosion, calling it unsportsmanlike and threw him out. This could get complicated and messy. Does a slight pop with a deadly smell rate a higher penalty than the long winded roar with no toxic fumes?  The pop will require the referee to follow the smell to the perpetrator who may have moved down field already.  A dog with a keen fart detecting sense of smell will need to be on the sidelines at all times. This will definitely get ugly.

Attempted hijacking of truck hauling Popeye’s biscuits closes Mississippi freeway for hours.  The driver and his partner are not seriously injured just a bit shook up.  They contend a skunk appeared in the road suddenly and just stood there.  They swerved to avoid the skunk, careening off the freeway and tipping over.  They found themselves surrounded by wild hogs, raccoons and skunks. The raccoons fingered the trailer door frantically trying to open it.  The police arrived before the bandits succeeded.  Any trucks hauling food are asked to be vigilant as the wildlife developed a taste for processed food and resorts to extreme measures to obtain it.

Kindergarten graduation begins with a brawl.  Parents got into a shoving match during their kid’s kindergarten graduation ceremony which resulted in the parents being required to face the wall for an hour.  Additional punishment included loss of Instagram privileges for a week.

Russian Minister of Culture accuses Netflix of mind control. He’s worried the average Russian citizen will now believe orange is acceptable party attire, and donning a mask and tight black pants allows you to chase after criminals at night. He’s more worried they will learn how their government really works.

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