One thing the House is able to agree on is the American Bison should be our national mammal.  In astounding news, the Senate is expected to agree with the House and send the bill to the President for signature.

A representative of the American Bison stated the Bison are taken aback by this turnaround in feelings toward them.  The representative remarked, “For over 100 years, we’re not fit even for dog food, but only for extinction.  All the sudden, the U.S.A. is concerned about its health and its waistline, so our fat cousins, the Angus, are not in vogue, but we are.  It doesn’t hurt we started a multimillion dollar business.  If it makes a big profit, the politicians like it.  It’s a little disturbing.”  When asked what the next step would be, the representative snorted, “We’re angling for a buffalo theme park in the refuge.”

 

 

The Royal Mail listed Bella the cat on their most wanted list and threatened to halt all mail deliveries to her home.  Her owners, desperate to get her off the list, agreed to keep her away from the mail slot during the delivery to ensure the safety of the postman.  Bella remains silent on this matter, but her owners says she stares at the mail slot from across the room for hours.  They’re afraid she’s in mail snatching withdrawal as she’s clawed through 2 duvets and 3 dining room chairs in the last week.  They don’t know how much more they can take.

 

Man robs bank with uniformed deputy inside.  Deputy immediately notified of robbery by teller and caught robber in the parking lot.  This guy needs to consult Bank Robbing for Dummies. The first rule of robbery is not to rob a bank when anyone wearing a uniform is in the bank and the second rule is run, not walk, out of the bank.

 

Man accidentally shoots himself in thigh while trying to secure his weapon, outside of Utah Gun Show.  Imaging himself as Quick Draw McGraw with his new holster, he shot and then drew.  His wife not surprised, said he’s always getting things ass backwards.

 

On a recent Delta flight, it was have wattle, will travel.  Yes, that is a turkey in the seat next to you.  The human passenger cannot fly without their gobbling service animal so this turkey gets to go where no turkey has gone before, to 37,000 ft.  On its own, it only gets to about 50 ft.

 

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About kriskkaria

Actress, comedian, voice actor and singer, I voice a weekly podcast called Does This Happen to You. Funny compendium of your day's journey.

2 responses »

  1. ksbeth says:

    i’ve sat next to many a turkey on my flights over the years.

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