A Response to Ashley Madison

Hacker Exposes Food Fantasies

A well known hacker, who goes by the handle Vegan Rush, recently hacked a dating website for foodies.  It’s not immediately known if any credit card information was obtained.    However, the site encourages users to list their most intimate food fantasies as part of their profile.

The food fantasies were made available by Vegan Rush online for all to see and download.   Vegan Rush granted an interview to food reporter, Ms. BonBon, to explain this invasion of privacy.  Vegan Rush explained he went off his medication and spoke to all these heifer souls.  He felt their pain and was inspired to hack the website, to shame the foodies for their meat guzzling habits.

Foodies in small towns all over the US took the worst hit.  Tom, a mechanic in CornPone, Arkansas, revealed he really did want Aunt Emily’s extra spicy barbeque sauce spread over his chest and licked off.   He remarked it added “fire” to the moment and he’s booked for first dates into July.  Tom’s mother, Anna, mentioned she didn’t think that much of her sister Emily’s barbeque sauce, believing it to be too “salty” and had no idea Tom liked it so much.

The biggest surprise was professional wrestler, Phat Pip, who is not a known foodie.  Phat explained he kept it to himself, as squishing chocolate cream pie between his toes, really does not fit with squeezing his opponent’s heads between his arms.   Now that he’s been outed, his opponents call him Phat Cream or Chocolate Pip.   In retaliation Phat Pip smeared several opponents with chocolate cream while he had them in a head hold.   He reports this to be even more satisfying than squishing chocolate cream between his toes.

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