I’m traveling, a quick 2 day trip to NYC.  I flew into Newark this time.  The flight to Newark was smooth and uneventful.  I dislike turbulence, makes me nervous.  Never ask New Jersey transit for walking directions because they gave me the wrong ones and it took an extra 15 minutes to find the train station.   I love NYC and despite many visits, I still walked the wrong way half a block.   I need to learn the maps app on my phone.  It kept telling me I was on 33rd when I wanted to know what direction the Hudson was.

Tuesday, and my conference is over, so I sat in the Newark airport near my boarding gate.  Out the window, I noticed a plane backing up.  I thought, oh, its backing out of the gate.  But it continued to back up and people scrambled over to the window taking pictures with their phones.  Just then the plane’s nose swung around, a parallel parking maneuver.    The Air Italia jet finished parallel parking by pulling forward slightly to the gate.   I’ll never know why Newark ground crews chose to Parallel Park a jet and I’m not sure I want to.

My flight loads and we taxi out.  As we taxi by the line of planes waiting to take off, I count.  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17; 17 freaking planes in line.  Just then the pilot comes on and says “Well, I thought we were in the express lane for takeoff but it’s just overflow parking. “

The guy next to me takes out his book and while reading picks his nose.  I worry he’s throwing boogers my way.  We finally take off and I get acquainted with the nose picker.  Turns out he’s an accountant and pretty likeable.  I’m not as grossed out when he picks his nose while reading again during the flight.  Once you know a person, you know his boogers too, I guess.

The guy two aisles up continues to talk.  He got out of his seat and started gabbing with a woman across the aisle from him over an hour ago.  The flight attendants squeeze by him over and over and he moves slightly out of the way, never stopping.  You’d think he’d be hoarse by now.  I’m happy I’m two aisles back with the nose picker, at least he’s silent.

Had any entertaining plane rides lately?  I’d love to hear about them.


About kriskkaria

Actress, comedian, voice actor and singer, I voice a weekly podcast called Does This Happen to You. Funny compendium of your day's journey.

2 responses »

  1. Love this one, Kris! I don’t have any particularly funny stories about a flight, but getting to one on time, in particular, is a great story. perhaps I’ll tell it one day! You commented elsewhere that you never got my e-mail in re another Audio “Does this happen to you?” piece. The link is here: http://paulatohlinecalhoun1951.wordpress.com/2010/03/17/big-foot-and-the-foot-doctor/

    It is one of my favorites, and every word is TRUE!

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