Herbert the Celestial Assistant – Episode 4 & 5

Herbert is filling in for St. Peter at the Pearly Gates while St. Peter takes a vacation.  He’s struggling with a cross word puzzle when a friend shows up.

Nominate your favorite blog’s Does This Happen to You? moment and you may hear it right here soon.  Just send me the link.

Herbert the Celestial Assistant

The Sound of Laughter, https://thesoundoflaughter.wordpress.com/ featured this cute series last year.  Comedy about heaven appeals to me.  I have no idea why but I’m not going to spend any time on that conundrum.   Here is my narration of the first 3 episodes of The Adventures of Herbert the Celestial Assistant.

Thanks for listening!  Does your blog fit my theme?  Do you know of a blog which fits the Does This Happen to You? theme?  If you do, please send me a link to it.  Fiction or non fiction works as long as it fits my theme.

Does This Happen to You? Moments

Actually, its moments in audio.  There are so many great writers blogging about fun moments in their lives, I decided to narrate those stories for my podcast.  With their permission of course.

I want to share those audio moments, an audio reblog.  In honor of Valentine’s Day, the kissable stories of 1950 Memories of Suburban Adventures are perfect, in my estimation.

Birthing an Audio Baby

Right before the musical opened last fall, an author contacted me about narrating her book, Take a Load Off, Mona Jamborski.  As if I didn’t have enough to think about with tackling Locusta, Good Witch of the North in The Wonderful Wizard of Oz, the original musical.  I persevered and I auditioned to narrate.

Joanna, the author, loved my audition and so I began the journey of narrating all 6 hours and 17 minutes of the book. It took close to 2 months and most of that was editing.   Mona is witty, artistic, weighs 528 lbs and I love telling her story.  I didn’t particularly love editing for hours and hours, like about 18 of them.

This funny and uplifting story is now available on Amazon, Audible and iTunes.  Here is the link, Audio Book – Take a Load Off, Mona Jamborski.   A sample is available to check it out.  You’ll have to download the entire audio book to hear my Speedy Gonzalez impression.  I watched the cartoon on YouTube before I narrated that chapter to get the voice right.  Oh, that cartoon brought back memories.  If you’re not into audio books, I highly recommend the print version, also available on Amazon.

Doggy Decisions – A JJ And Benny Toon

Doggy Decisions Toon

Body Slime

The shimmering drop on the black mat stares back at me.

I just reclined on the cushy mat to lift my foot up and back 30 times, each leg for 3 sets.  My personal trainer and my physical therapist tell me it’s good for me.  After 30 lifts, my hip and leg tell me they’re numb.  The drop doesn’t say a word, doesn’t identify itself.   I ponder the drop, thinking it’s probably just water.  It looks like a water drop.  My face is very near to it.  What if it’s not a water drop?  What if I’m nose to nose with sweat?

I feel gross being so near it.  I consider wiping the drop up, but I’ve no towel.  There’s no way I’m using my hand.

In the end, I complete my sets and just walk away from the drop.    And now I’m writing about that drop, a few weeks later.   What an amazing effect a possible puddle of sweat has.

The Drop cartoon

A Does This Happen to You? Toon

My unsexy workout

Champagne, Meatloaf and a New Year

Part 27 of the Oh My God series, from The Drunken Cyclist, details the cycling group’s stop at a small champagne producer for a tasting on their way to Epernay.  You can find the hilarious series here, http://thedrunkencyclist.com/, and my audio narration here, http://kriskkaria.podbean.com/.

Up until I narrated this episode, I had no idea champagne came in so many different varieties.   I love champagne but usually purchase reasonably priced (ok, cheap) sparkling wine from Spain or Italy.   I always thought champagne came in two varieties, cheap with a thin acidic flavor or really expensive ($50 a bottle or more if you’re cheap like me).    My curiosity is piqued by the description of vintage champagne possessing a brioche flavor.  I must have some to celebrate the New Year.  My local wine store is closed on New Year’s Eve.  Drat!  The local upscale supermarket close to us is crawling with shoppers on New Year’s Eve but they have it.  A Grand Cru, mostly Chardonnay grapes and its only $28 for a bottle, so I grab a cold one and sail through the 10 item or less checkout.

I ask Jack to open it because I refuse to go anywhere near a bottle that pops loudly.  Yeah, I love sparkling wine but can’t open it.    We taste and Jack says it’s the first champagne he’s ever liked.   What? We’ve been together 20 years and I had no idea Jack did not like champagne.  He never said a word when I purchased the cheap sparkling wine.

We did visit the local wine store after the New Year.  The owner specializes in small producers from France so there was lots of French bubbly to choose from.  I picked up and considered some Champagne but decided on a Cremant single vintage.  Cremant is French bubbly made in France but not in the Champagne region and it’s about half the price.  Yes, I’m a bargain hunter, aren’t I?   Jack came along behind me and picked up the Champagne bottles I discarded.   Now that he’s tasted the real thing, he’s going all out.

Champagne

We will celebrate the New Year into 2015 with a nice selection of bubbly.  I agree with The Drunken Cyclist.  Sparkling wine is not just for special occasions.

I don’t think I can make it go with meatloaf unless I find a seafood meatloaf recipe.  My other New Year’s surprise is Jack loves meatloaf.  He never mentioned this in the last 20 years either.

Parked Berries

The boys and I race down the sidewalk.  JJ and Benny are always rearing to go in the morning.  I notice a container on the parking strip about half a block away, near the driveway.

Box of Berries

I pull the boys up and take a peek.  It’s filled with blackberries.  Blackberry vines have daggers for thorns and are nearly impossible to kill.  Unless you turn two dogs loose in your backyard.  JJ and Benny killed most of our blackberries, but not all.  I have the scars to prove it.

It’s not hard to find blackberries to pick in the summer, but they’re sour as heck if you don’t get them at the peak of ripeness.   My neighbors picked a nice plastic container full, and then left it.  Did they mean to?

I think this is what happened.   Georgia and her two little boys, 8 year old Matt and 6 year old Ryan, hopped into the SUV this sunny summer morning.  Georgia promised Matt and Ryan they’d pick blackberries.   Georgia parked near the trail and they all set off on the blackberry hunt.  The blackberries’ thorns made quick work of Matt and Ryan’s fingers.  Not even the sticky sweetness of the berries convinced them to pick any more and they wandered off onto the side of the trail.  Georgia continued to pick and keep an eye on her boys.  Ryan tumbled down the embankment next to the trail and screamed.  Georgia came running.  Matt hauled Ryan back up the bank, covered in mud mixed with a little dog shit.  Ryan didn’t seem hurt just wet and smelly.

Georgia loaded the container and the boys back in the SUV.  The stench coming off Ryan was unbearable.  Back home in a jiff, Georgia told Matt to take the container while she got Ryan into the house and got the bath ready.  Matt noticed his friends down the street, laid the container down, and joined his friends for a trip to the park.

And there lay the container, forgotten, exactly where Matt laid it down.

How about you?  Do you think this is the way it went down?

JJ and Benny’s Letter to Santa

A Letter to Santa

A Letter to Santa